I am guilty of abusing new connections. But what’s worse, I’m guilty of magical thinking when it comes to connections.

Establishing a business connection is the first step in a labor-intensive process. In the past, I made connections and then launched myself into sales pitches. This happens to me a lot – and I see many of you reading this nodding your head. But I’ve also been guilty of maybe worse practice, and that’s assuming / hoping / wishing / believing that once I make a connection, that other person will reach out and beg me not only to sell my services to them, but also to sell them. will get in touch. one hundred percent of the work to build a relationship.

Beginning
It can be scary, and it can certainly be a pain, but you need to be willing and able to take that first step once the connection is made. You have to reach out and do, not just 100% of the work, but 110% of the work to build and grow your new connection in some kind of relationship. Your first step is to ask about them, find out what motivates them and makes them get out of bed every morning. The next step is to offer yourself, asking “What can I do for you?” The third step, which many people ignore, is actually delivering on what you promised in step two.

1 – Ask for them
Your connection to someone doesn’t even justify a number, that’s how basic it is. Step n. # 1 is asking about your new connection and actually listening and absorbing the answer. And I’m not talking about asking, “So what line of business are you in?” or, “What are you selling?” Make a new connection an open question about themselves.

“Tell me, what makes Susie Jones get up and shine every morning?”

None of us are prepared for this question. Are you? No, we all want to mutter our memorized elevator pitch that it’s about what we want to sell them. Here’s the hard part: don’t accept that lame answer. Dig. Re-ask the question and let them know that you are looking for personal information. Don’t be afraid to explicitly tell them what you want to know.

“Come on Susie. That’s your predefined answer about what you do for a living. I’m asking you about your life! What makes your life worth living? What makes you smile every day? What are the five most important things in your life than to give it meaning? “

Now, listen to that response and internalize what they tell you.

2 – Offer a helping hand
Listen to the answer to the previous question and start thinking. What can you personally offer this person? What other relationships have you developed where you can connect with another person and get their new connection what they need or want? One of my main concerns [Are you paying attention?] is a cat rescue organization called Kitty Corner. Not only are they clients, they are also the place where I have adopted four of my pets over the years. I still don’t have a connection offer to make a donation or to find a bigger donor for them.

I’m not saying you should offer to move her piano this weekend, but find something you can offer to make her life a little brighter. I use copies of my first book as a business card. But if you mention your children or grandchildren, I have a selection of books signed by some children’s authors I know. If that’s the only interest I can match, I offer you a copy.

“Your face lights up when you talk about your daughter, Susie. I have a signed copy of a children’s book by a friend of mine. How about I send it to you and you can have a good time reading it together?”

Or maybe your new hookup needs life insurance, or you’re looking for reclaimed barn boards for your new den. If you can help them, offer to do so. And if you can’t help them right away, offer to keep an eye on them, maybe offer your services to some of their other connections.

“I have no connection looking for magazine ad space right now, Susie. But I’ll tell you one thing: if you give me a dozen of your cards, I’ll send them to my local contacts along with my personal recommendation that they contact his first. Is that okay? “

3 – Follow-up
Whatever you promised in step 2, do it! You know how many people who make promises drop the ball. Don’t be one of those people. Especially if what you have offered seems simple or even inconsequential. Most people ignore those promises, whether they make them or make them. Doing little things can have an amazing impact, both for those who do them and for those who receive them. You will have a sense of accomplishment at least, and they will probably be surprised that you remember it.

Also, there is the psychological law of reciprocity, where they feel like they should do something for you now, but that should be totally irrelevant.

The important part of this is honoring your word, keeping your promises. Even if they never do anything for you. Or maybe I should say, especially if they never do anything for you.

Your budding relationship
And that’s how you start to build a relationship. Once you start to develop that relationship, maybe you can ask them if they want to buy whatever it is you’re selling. Or if they know other people who want to buy what you sell. Better yet, maybe they have connections that you can connect with and start building relationships with those people too!

So, I’m asking you – YES YOU. What makes your life worth living? What makes you smile every day? What are the top five things in your life that give it meaning? Tell me below. Let’s connect and start working towards a relationship.