In the manifestation of their narcissism, male and female narcissists inevitably tend to differ. They emphasize different things. They transform different elements of their personality and their life into the pillars of their disorder.

Women focus on their bodies (as they do in eating disorders: anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa). They flaunt and exploit their physical charms, their sexuality, their socially and culturally determined “femininity.” They secure their Narcissistic Supply through their more traditional gender role: home, children, suitable careers, their husbands (“the wife of…”), their feminine traits, their role in society, etc.

No wonder narcissists, both male and female, are chauvinistic and conservative. They depend to such an extent on the opinions of the people around them that, over time, they become ultra-sensitive seismographs of public opinion, barometers of the prevailing winds and guardians of conformism. Narcissists cannot afford to seriously alienate those who mirror their False Self to them. The very adequate and continuous functioning of your Ego depends on the goodwill and collaboration of your human environment.

True, beset and consumed by pernicious feelings of guilt, many narcissists ultimately seek to be punished. The self-destructive narcissist then plays the role of the “bad boy” (or “bad girl”). But even then she is within the traditional socially assigned roles. To ensure social opprobrium (read: attention), the narcissist exaggerates these roles into caricature. A woman is likely to call herself a “slut” and a narcissistic man is likely to call himself an “unrepentant vicious criminal.” However, these are again traditional social roles. Men are likely to emphasize intellect, power, aggression, money, or social status. Women are likely to emphasize the body, appearance, charm, sexuality, feminine “traits,” housework, children, and parenting, even as they seek their masochistic punishment.

Another difference is in the way the genders react to treatment. Women are more likely to seek therapy because they are more likely to admit to psychological problems. But while men may be less inclined to REVEAL or expose their problems to others (the macho-man factor), this does not necessarily mean that they are less likely to admit it to themselves. Women are also more likely to ask for help than men.

However, the main rule of narcissism should never be forgotten: the narcissist uses everything around him to get his (or her) narcissistic supply. Children are more available to the narcissistic woman due to the prejudiced structure that still prevails in our society and the fact that women are the ones who give birth. It is easier for a woman to think of her children as extensions of her because they were once her physical extensions and because her ongoing interaction with them is more intense and extensive.

This means that the male narcissist is more likely to view his children as a nuisance than a rewarding narcissistic supply, especially as they grow up and become autonomous. Deprived of the diversity of alternatives available to men, the narcissistic woman struggles to maintain her most reliable source of supply: her children. Through insidious indoctrination, guilt formation, emotional sanctions, deprivation, and other psychological mechanisms, she attempts to induce a dependency in them that cannot be easily unraveled.

But there is no psychodynamic difference between children, money or intellect, like Narcissistic Sources of Supply. So there is no psychodynamic difference between the male and female narcissist. The only difference is in their Narcissistic Sources of Supply choices.

An interesting side theme relates to transsexuals.

Philosophically, there is little difference between a narcissist seeking to avoid their true self (and definitely become their false self) and a transsexual seeking not to be their true gender. But this similarity, while superficially attractive, is questionable.

People sometimes seek gender reassignment because of the advantages and opportunities they believe the other sex enjoys. This unrealistic (fantastic) vision of the other is slightly narcissistic. It includes elements of idealized overvaluation, self-concern, and self-objectification (WHAT has all the advantages is what we want to become). Demonstrates a poor ability to empathize and a grandiose sense of entitlement (“I deserve to have the best opportunities/advantages”) and omnipotence (“I can be whatever I want to be, despite nature/God”).

This feeling of entitlement is especially manifest in some people with gender dysphoria who aggressively seek hormonal or surgical treatment. They feel it is their inalienable right to receive it on demand and without restrictions or restrictions. For example, they often refuse to undergo psychological evaluation or treatment as a condition for hormonal or surgical treatment.

It is interesting to note that both narcissism and gender dysphoria are phenomena of early childhood. This could be explained by problematic Parent Items, dysfunctional families, or a common genetic or biochemical problem. It is too soon to say which. As yet, there is not even an agreed typology of gender identity disorders, let alone a thorough understanding of their origins.

There are mental disorders, which afflict a specific sex more frequently. This has to do with hormonal or other physiological dispositions, with social and cultural conditioning through the process of socialization, and with the assignment of roles through the process of gender differentiation. None of these appear to be strongly correlated with the formation of malignant narcissism. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (unlike, for example, Borderline or Histrionic Personality Disorders, which affect women more than men) seems to fit with the social mores and prevailing ethos of capitalism. Social thinkers such as Lasch speculated that modern American culture, a narcissistic and self-centered culture, increases the incidence rate of narcissistic personality disorder. To this Kernberg replied, rightly:

“The most I’d be willing to say is that society can make serious psychological abnormalities, which already exist in some percentage of the population, seem at least superficially appropriate.”

Literature citations

“Specifically, previous research suggests that exploitative tendencies and overt displays of entitlement will be less integral to narcissism in women than in men. For women, such displays may carry a greater possibility of negative social sanctions because they would violate the stereotypical gender role expectations for women, who are expected to engage in such positive social behavior as being tender, compassionate, warm, likeable, sensitive, and understanding.

In women, Exploitation/Empowerment is less integrated with the other components of narcissism measured by the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI) – Leadership/Authority, Self-absorption/Self-admiration, and Superiority/Arrogance – than in men, although “Male narcissists and Overall female subjects showed striking similarities in the way most facets of narcissism were integrated with each other.”

Gender Differences in the Structure of Narcissism: A Multi-Sample Analysis of the Narcissistic Personality Inventory – Brian T. Tschanz, Carolyn C. Morf, Charles W. Turner – Sex Roles: A Journal of Research – Publication: May 1998

“Women leaders are negatively evaluated if they exercise their authority and are perceived as autocratic.”

Eagly, AH, Makhijani, MG & Klonsky, BG (1992). Gender and evaluation of leaders: a meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 111, 3-22, and…

Butler, D. and Gels, FL (1990). Nonverbal affective responses to male and female leaders: Implications for leadership assessments. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 58, 48-59.

“Competent women also need to appear outgoing and likeable to influence men; men only need to appear competent to achieve the same results with both genders.”

Carli, LL, Lafleur, SJ, & Loeber, CC (1995). Nonverbal behavior, gender and influence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 68, 1030-1041.

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