If I see an article of mine on how to get a woman’s phone number, I’m going to punch someone in the face. Seriously; It won’t be the writer, just the next person you see. POW! I’ll punch them in the face. . . then run away very fast.

When it comes to getting a woman’s number, I’ve seen it all from asking, “write your email, oh, and while you’re at it put your number there too” (she knows what you’re doing) to literally demanding the number if she doesn’t give it to him. Then there is the inevitable debate about when is it too early to call and when is it too late; the standard is to wait between three and five days. There are dozens of articles and discussions on how to get digits and when to call; not one on how to make sure she calls you back, mainly because the experts don’t have an answer. Getting digits doesn’t mean squatting. How many times have women not returned the call? Looking for a number or a date? I want a date; therefore I need her to call me back. So I don’t worry about getting digits.

I care only about the conversation: listening to it and responding, inserting flirty comments when there is an opportunity. If I’m still interested, I take some of the conversation and ask her out. For example, maybe you mentioned that you haven’t been to a basketball game in a while or want to go to a new Italian restaurant. I suggest we go – “You know that restaurant sounds great. Let’s see it. How about next week?” or “I haven’t been to a b-ball game in a long time; you know, I think the Bulls will be in town next week, let’s go to a game. What’s your number? I’ll check the schedule and call you. ” (I live in Chicago). The typical response is, “Oh yeah, I think I can do that; I need to check my schedule first.”

I get the digits and continue the conversation. Why? Because I enjoy your company and because I come off as a hit-and-run driver if I run off immediately after getting your digits. Also, it is quite possible that you will get more than just digits. If I realize that nothing is going to happen that night, or that I don’t want anything to happen, yet; A little later in the conversation I finish, I tell her that it was a pleasure meeting her and I remind her that I will call her to talk about the game or the restaurant or whatever. I have accomplished a few things:

One, I’ve shown him that I’m paying attention to him. Many guys focus too much on their game and not enough on the woman. In fact, many men are not comfortable with women; they are comfortable with their game. Those are two very different things. Women notice this and one of their biggest complaints is that men do not pay attention to them, more commonly it is said that “men have no idea”. Two, I have made myself memorable. Who knows how many guys she’s going to meet the night I met her or between that night and the time I call her? I need to stand out. Third, I have created a reason to call that involves a deadline; I don’t have to worry about calling too early and how could I interpret that because I have a clear reason. Fourth, I have practically guaranteed that you will call me back because at least there is a very good chance that you will feel compelled to call and cancel our attempt date. The longer the first date I suggest, the greater the chances that you will feel compelled to call me to cancel. I have suggested expensive theater, concerts, and the symphony as a first date; too much, but that’s where the conversation went. Fifth, I have shown a lot of confidence, which women tend to prefer. Finally, with your call back, I have a chance to reconnect, which is what I’m really looking for.

I use this practice a lot. It’s been at least four years since a woman didn’t call me back. When he calls me back and we reconnect, the result is usually that I suggest a simpler date, like a drink or dinner. I’m not going to pretend that I always have the date; I have not done it. However, I get the date about eighty percent of the time. Those aren’t bad numbers: 100% of calls returned and 80% of the dates of those calls. Like anything else, it takes practice. If you suggest something big like the symphony the wrong way, you will seem desperate, so start small. (My background is stand-up comedy; trust me, timing and delivery are much more important than actual material.) If he talks about the symphony, for example, ask him if he likes other music; Suggest an open mic night at a coffee shop or something similar in response.

This technique is not based on being women or manipulation; it is based on being human and common courtesy. If, as a boy, I met you tonight playing darts or something and you mentioned you were a big Sox fan, and I told you I had a friend who might have a couple extra tickets to next Thursday’s game and he asked you If you were interested, I got his number and told him I would call when I was sure either way, wouldn’t he be waiting for a call? Won’t you return my call to reject or accept the tickets? One of the best things I learned was to treat a woman I liked as little as possible as a woman and as much as an average person that I met. The more I like the woman, the more difficult it is to do it; but the more I like it, that is precisely when it is most important to me not to treat it differently.

Stop concentrating on your game and get digits; Instead, focus on listening, responding, and getting a date. You’re not in a rush to get her number or move on to the next woman, at least you shouldn’t be; be comfortable with women, not your “game.”