Sometimes I hear from wives who aren’t sure how to handle it when their husband suddenly shuts up and shuts down after the wife finds out and wants to settle their affair. Often, the more the wife feels that she absolutely must have the answers, the less the husband wants to provide them.

I heard from one wife who said, “I found out that my husband had a month-long affair with the home care nurse who takes care of his mother. They were basically together only when he visited his mother. Once I found out, “We asked for a new nurse and he finished immediately. He insisted that he wanted to save our marriage and I wanted that too. But he’s not acting the way you’d expect from a man who’s trying to keep his wife from him.” “I was hoping he’d share his feelings, tell me what led him to cheat on him, and explain how he planned to resolve it. this. Instead, he has completely shut down. He barely says two words to me. He seldom looks me in the eye. He no longer laughs or touches me. If I ask him what’s wrong, he tells me that nothing is wrong with him. But obviously something is wrong with him. He is like a shell of what he was. I don’t want to fight so hard to keep it if all I’m getting is a shadow of the man who once was my husband. Why is he acting that way? I will try to answer this question in the following article.

Why men exclude their wives after cheating or an affair: There are many reasons why you may see what is called flat affection from your husband. Often she feels a lot of conflicting emotions that she is trying to suppress. The process of him trying to suppress those feelings may contribute to that kind of nonchalant posturing you’re seeing now. She often feels ashamed, guilty, confused and even ashamed. And she’s afraid that if she shows any emotion, there will be a chink in his armor and everything will come pouring out.

Also, many men will give you a cold and distant response because they are trying to talk you out of going too deep. They don’t want to answer too many questions about what or who started the affair, why it happened, or if it could happen again. (And this is not necessarily because they intend to cheat again.) Sometimes they just don’t have all those answers. They are not sure why they acted the way they did. And the idea of ​​self-exploration just doesn’t appeal to them. Also, they hope that if they don’t give you anything to work with, eventually you’ll be grateful for what they can give you and back off. In short, they are trying to condition you not to expect or demand too much, which of course is not fair to you. And it makes you wonder if they really care enough about you to open up or show some emotion.

How to handle it when your husband shuts you out or closes himself off: I know it’s probably very tempting to want to grab him by the shoulders, shake him, and demand that he stop acting like a child or the victim he most certainly isn’t. Many wives really try to make him mad just to get some kind of response from him. They believe that anything is worth trying to get him out of his depression.

But even when wives are successful and get some emotional response, this is usually only a temporary solution. She may lose her cool for a second, but will usually revert to her old closed self. That’s why she can help try to call him and address him. You might consider saying something like, “Listen, we can’t heal if you don’t open up and check in with me. I understand that things feel very awkward between us and neither of us knows where we are, but you’re closing yourself off.” And retreating isn’t going to get us anywhere. Instead, it makes me feel like you don’t care enough to share your feelings with me or committed enough to get through this. I am not your enemy. I want to solve this with you. Can we work together to make that happen? Can you start opening up a little more? I need to see how you really feel about this.”

I can’t promise that this speech will suddenly turn you into a chatterbox willing to share everything, but it may be the first step in taking baby steps. Sometimes you will have to settle for small improvements that build on themselves as he becomes more comfortable and sees that you are sincere in wanting to work things out. It’s also important that he believes you don’t intend to punish him or hold him forever. In short, you both need to feel safe with each other and this takes a bit of time. Someone usually has to break the ice. And since her husband has pretty much shut down, you’re probably the most logical person to do it, at least at first.

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