Have you ever checked your inbox more than twice a day, hoping to get a response from that hot chick you emailed? How about more than every 2 hours? How about every 15 minutes? Don’t worry, it’s happened to most of us at some point… and we never know why. We have a good online dating profile and a flattering photo, but still… no answers.
Why is that hot girl not answering you?
Let’s start by looking at the average email a guy sends a girl on an online dating website. Now, I’m not accusing you of writing one of these, but in case I *could* have, we should take a quick look. It goes something like:
“Hello, I saw your profile and you’re so cute! I like your hat in that picture, it’s so cute, where did you get it? Anyway, come take a look at my profile and if you like what you see, send me an email !”
This email can be divided into three parts. Bad. Badger. Baddererest.
Sentence 1: Bad
The last thing a girl who gets 50 emails a day wants to read is another average guy saying another average thing. Also, he bans “cute” from his vocabulary. Cute is so bland and overused, it has almost no meaning to women anymore. Also, women want to be beautifull. Not nice. Ask them!
Sentence 2: Meaner
“I like your hat” is a good example of bad online dating advice from MSN and Yahoo! “experts” in online dating. They say “find something on his profile or photo and ask him about it”. That’s great if you want to be friends, but it doesn’t make any kind of connection, so forget about it. I’ll tell you what to ask in a minute when I’m done having fun trashing this bad email.
Sentence 3: Baddererest (yes, it’s a word…at least it is now!)
Just an educated guess, but I’d say 80% of bad emails to girls end with “come take a look at my profile and if you like what you see send me an email.” What’s wrong with that? First, everyone does it. Second, you should end your email with a command, not a suggestion! Salespeople and marketers call this a “callout.” to action,” like “BUY IT NOW!” I don’t need to go all heavy, but realistically, anything imposing and interesting is better than a passive “if you like what you see…” You’d better end up with “Rabid monkeys are eating my fingers as I type, email me or they’ll finish me off!” Actually, I like that one. Feel free to try it out.
Thus ends our lesson “Anatomy of a bad email”…
Now let’s make a good email!
The most important online dating advice I can give you is… BE INTERESTING! Most guys write the same boring stuff over and over again. If you really want to blow her mind, try a combination of these two:
1) Have a sense of humor
2) Be insightful
Point 1: How to have a sense of humor
Do you want to learn how to write funny emails? First, read their profile from top to bottom, front to back. Choose something that is completely unique to this girl and ignore everything she has written that you have already seen on dozens of other women’s dating profiles.
Example: She says, “I’m smart, funny, unique, love baseball, study medicine and also work on a chicken farm.”
Forget about everything but the chicken farm. The chicken farm makes it unique! Try to let your brain make the craziest and funniest observations you can. You could write something like:
“A chicken farm? I love chicken! We’d be the perfect couple… You could hunt extra chickens from work and I could fence them off on the black market for chickens. Eventually we could build an egg nest and run away from the blow to Sunny Chichen Itza!”
Wow, that’s a bad set of puns, even for me. Anyway, you get the idea. You’re touching on what makes her unique, the little detail that most men ignore to opt for easy, mundane things like “I like your hat.” Choosing the unique points will only get her attention, and having a sense of humor about them will win her over.
Point 2: How to be insightful
Guys don’t really read profiles. Sure, we flip through them a few times and look for points to talk about, but we don’t read between the lines. We’re not really looking for the depth of your words, the subtext of what you’re really saying…what you’re really asking for. What I’m talking about? Let’s go directly to an example.
Here is a section of a woman’s profile:
“I’ve been here before, maybe too many times, each time a little more jaded. If only we could be more honest with each other, the world would be a better place. I’m looking for a guy who is kind, faithful and sincere.”
Are you saying that you are looking for a kind, faithful and sincere guy?
Only on the surface. What it’s really telling us is…
“Men have hurt me.”
How did I get that from the previous paragraph? She rereads what she says: she’s come back time and time again, even more jaded, which means she’s been through numerous relationships, each one ending badly. She wishes for more honesty, which means that she has faced a lot of deceit. And she is looking for a guy who is kind, faithful and sincere, which strongly suggests that she knows what she wants because she has spent time with many guys who have been nasty, unfaithful and insincere with her.
So, I look at this profile and I see a girl who has been hurt, and I know that she will respond to a guy who is kind and faithful and sincere. So is this how I introduce myself?
*NOT!*
I’m going to do even better. There’s a guy she’ll respond to much more easily than the guy above…a guy who UNDERSTANDS HER! Forget everything women say they want on the surface! In the background… they want to be understood (we all do it really). Being a guy who understands who she really is and sympathizes with her is so much more powerful and rare.
To address that, I’d write something like:
“I read your profile and couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness at your words. We all look for happiness in life, but disappointment certainly seems to find its way quite often. Like you, I’m just looking for a bright sunny day in a cloudy world.”
Of course, I don’t address your problems directly, a subtle touch is all it takes to get your attention and let you know the potential is there. This would certainly divert your attention from the guys writing “I am sincere, honest and faithful.” You know… the same guys who hurt her in the past?
There are many other techniques for getting a girl’s attention in an email, but these two also demonstrate the valuable traits of humor and insight, which will make you much more attractive to her. Choose the unique little gem on her profile and make her sparkle with humor. Deep read the subtext of her profile and sympathize with it. She will reply to you by email.
What… did you think it would be as simple as typing “Hey baby, what’s up?” 🙂
Greetings and happy dating!
dylan alexander
