You’ve heard the same advice over and over since the breakup. You are supposed to ignore your ex boyfriend if you want to get him back. At first glance, it makes absolutely no sense. How can ignoring a man make him decide he wants you back? The opposite seems much more likely, doesn’t it? Internally you feel that right now would be the perfect time to pick up the phone to call your ex boyfriend and suggest that they try to fix things. But everyone is yelling at you not to do that. You’re confused, desperate, and worried about making a mistake that will cost you the man you love. Before you do anything, you need a short, concise lesson in male psychology. There is a very good reason why you should pay attention to those who tell you to forget your ex boyfriend’s phone number, address, and workplace.
Right now you are not in control of your failed relationship
After a breakup, the individual who pursues his ex-partner is not in control of the future of the relationship. As women, we often wish we could live our lives on the pages of a romance novel. We imagine that moment when our ex-boyfriend picks up the phone to say that he can’t live another day without us. The problem is that, in reality, that is not likely to happen if you chase it nonstop. Your actions really speak louder than your words in this scenario and your actions are screaming a message that declares out loud, “I am desperate and I don’t care who knows.”
He is in full control of what happens next. If he chooses to ignore you, he instinctively knows that you are going to redouble your efforts and pursue him even more. You’re essentially telling him that the more he ignores you, the harder you’ll try. Your life revolves around him and that feeds his ego. Most men in this position are not too quick to give their ex-girlfriend the time of day because they want to see how far she will go to work in an effort to get him back.
You must change the dynamics of the relationship so that you are the one in control of the future. The best way to do this is to change your own behavior. In fact, you will be surprised how quickly he will decide that he loves you when he suddenly thinks you do not want him anymore.
Ignoring your ex boyfriend is more than not responding to his text messages
A relationship change mistake that many women make before not initiating any contact with their ex boyfriend is that they tell him about their intentions in such a way that he realizes it is little more than a game. If you announce to your ex that you are no longer talking to him, and you do it while you are too excited, he will see it as a tactic to get him back. His competitive spirit will pick up and go his own way to ignore you. Before you know it, weeks or months will have passed and both of you will be too stubborn to reach out and connect with each other.
It is much better to leave the face of the earth. The best advice you can take is to decide in a moment (now is good) that you are not going to talk or try to try again with your ex boyfriend for at least a month. Don’t let anyone know that you are doing this because mutual friends love to gossip and your ex boyfriend will realize once again that you are not using any contact as a tool to remind him how much he needs you.
During the next month, do your best to shift your focus to something positive and enriching. It is very tempting to sit back and wallow in the memories of when you were together, but that is not going to accomplish anything productive for you. This should be a month where you rediscover who you are, as a woman, and get in touch with what you want out of life.
Redefine what your life goals are as you distance yourself from your ex
A couple of welcome surprises await you when you start the journey of ignoring your ex boyfriend. First of all, you will be amazed at the way it responds. Normally, a man will want a woman who no longer loves him. Once your ex-boyfriend realizes that you’ve stopped your never-ending quest to regain his love and devotion, he will set out to regain your heart. It’s amazing how that works. Men are known to want things in life that are beyond their reach. When one of those things turns into an ex-girlfriend, a man will turn on his charm in an effort to win her back. Basically, if you take away the knowledge that you love him, he will start questioning who you love. Once that happens, he will run back to you with all his might, trying to get you to explain what has changed.
The other, more welcome benefit of ignoring your ex is that you can finally decide, in an emotionally clear way, whether getting back together is really something you want or need. Things look and feel very different a month after the breakup. Your emotions are settled, your future is less defined, and you are open to a whole range of possibilities.
Giving yourself a chance to take a break from your ex boyfriend is one of the best gifts you can possibly get. You will finally be able to decide what is best for you and if meeting him is really the best way to make all your romantic dreams come true.