He says he’s just kidding … but my core felt degraded and undervalued.

Verbal abuse can start out as little digs disguised as jokes. Your boyfriend or husband teases you, ridicules you, and humiliates you with sarcastic comments about your appearance, personality, skills, and values. If you say, “I don’t think this is funny,” or ask you to stop “making fun of you,” you may become defensive, irritated, or angry.

He tells you, “You are too sensitive” or “You can’t take a joke.” Your guilty pleas are compelling and cause you to question your ability to reason. You wonder if you are exaggerating and you doubt your perception of their abuse.

Her denial of her experience of abuse adds another layer to her abuse.

Makes comments about you in front of friends who make fun of you or put you down. He hides his acrimony with a smirk and a laugh. Their public mockery is unexpected, it throws you off balance and embarrasses and humiliates you. Your friends may laugh at their jokes, but your heart felt the blow and your brain struggles to interpret the true meaning of their contempt. If she shows shock or disgust, he may condescending with a hug and tell her that he was just “joking.” He maintains his good boy facade and your friends wonder why you get too excited about a pointless joke.

It takes a quick mind to come up with ways to put your partner down, be it rudely or with wit and flair. This type of abuse is not done in jest. Cut fast, touch the most sensitive areas, and leave the abuser with a look of triumph. This abuse never seems funny because it isn’t. – Patricia Evans, The Verbally Abusive Relationship

Over time, your ridiculousness and slights can seriously damage your self-esteem, sense of self, and integrity.

I should have been paying attention to the first time Dr. Dirtbag made fun of my weight. We were having dinner in front of the TV and all of a sudden he said, “You know, the reason fat people are fat is that they don’t know when to stop eating. Your plate is so clean when you finish eating, I don’t even have to wash it. “.

I froze mid-bite. I could see the pain in my eyes. Instead of apologizing, he feigned innocence and said, “Oh, did I say something wrong?” He swore he wasn’t serious, but he never apologized. Instead, he blamed me, saying, “God, I was just trying to help. You told me you wanted to lose five pounds. I can’t tell you anything. I’ll just keep my mouth shut.”

His sole purpose was to surprise and hurt me with his spiteful contempt.

Examples of verbal abuse disguised as jokes:

She can’t remember anything; it has sticky notes all over it.

She is so funny; she burns everything she cooks.

You can’t find your way to the store without a GPS.

Having a bad hair day?

You act like your mother. (We all know that she is crazy).

You would forget your name if it wasn’t on your driver’s license.

He’s saying, I can say whatever I want to say about you because I’m “just” being funny.

Understand, the sole purpose of his hostile and derogatory humor is to victimize, belittle and insult you. If you don’t react to his ridicule, he won’t be able to control you, dominate you, and have power over you.

How to react to verbal abuse disguised as jokes.

• Do not be carried away by his attempt to belittle you. Don’t acknowledge their apologies. DO NOT start a debate with him.

• Tell him emphatically that you don’t appreciate being the target of his humor and want him to stop you, don’t wait for his response.

• Say, “Are you feeling better now?” and leave the room.

• Ignore him and pick up your phone and call a friend or go for a walk.

Get the picture?

Chances are, your abusive partner will change sometime, but you can change the way you react to his verbal abuse.