Of course, a child doesn’t have to be overly controlling to become a true leader. Leadership skills can be applied to any child who wants to learn them.

The ‘bossy’ debate:

Some say that the word ‘bossy’ is often used to describe girls and women leaders and that is why women shy away from leadership roles. So, to be politically correct, we should ban the word ‘bossy’.

But what if some boys and girls are really bossy? Instead of banning another word, why not help our bossy kids become likeable leaders?

a bossy story

As a child counselor, I remember listening to a shy girl who had a bossy girlfriend. When they were quite young, the reserved girl took orders from her friend. But as they got older, her quiet one got angry because they told her what to play and what to do. She started avoiding her friend. The dominant girl’s mother wondered what happened to her daughters’ friendship. Long story short, the bossy girl’s self-esteem plummeted because she didn’t know the ‘soft skills’ of making friends and how to become a true leader.

If you have a dictatorial child, you CAN help turn him into a likeable leader. First, let’s find out some behaviors that any bossy child might engage in. Then you can determine if some of them fit your child.

7 Bossy Behaviors That Get Kids Rejected

1. Conversation controls

2. Will not listen or compromise

3. He tries really hard to get his way

4. He brags about himself a lot

5. Tell children what to do

6. Order the kids to play their games

7. He acts like a poor jock when he doesn’t get what he wants.

Of course, your child doesn’t need to have all of these behaviors to be considered authoritarian. A few are enough for you to decide to come to the rescue.

Let’s face it, young children have little knowledge or experience of how to get along with others. They make many mistakes. Some feel hurt and begin to learn how to make friends. Others grow up to be bossy adults. If women hold leadership positions, they could be called the hated “B” word. Male supervisors are often called jerks or bullies. As a parent, there are many ways to save your child from that fate.

First, master the art of positive conversations with your child. You may already know that friendly conversations include asking questions and listening a lot. For example, you could ask, “Why doesn’t Billy want to play with you anymore?” As the conversation progresses, you could add, “I’ve noticed that he often decides what to play. Would you like Billy to tell you what to do? What could you do instead?”

In future chats, check back with your child to see how the relationship is going. Then promote each leadership skill one friendly discussion at a time. You decide which ones can help the most:

7 Leadership Skills Kids Can Learn

1. Active listening: Demonstrate this by repeating part of your friend’s statement.

2. Cooperate with others: collaborate and help. Play their games too.

3. Resolve the conflict and negotiate. Ask your friend, “How can we both win?”

4. Show empathy and caring. Say, “I’m sorry this happened to you. How can I help you?”

5. Be a brainstorm leader: Ask, “What fun things would you like to do?” Give your ideas too.

6. Help your friends grow: see their good points and praise them.

7. Be polite: Avoid mean talk and rude behavior.

You can teach these skills with loving conversations, role-play activities, and mapping out your child’s new leadership skills.

Consider discussing, drawing, posting, and/or memorizing all or parts of the following poem:

Poem to help bossy children

Make care count!

I told the children what to do,

They yell at me; her anger grew.

“You are not the boss. You cannot lead!

You got the nerves!” they all decreed.

I didn’t know what I should do

I sat up alone and yelled, “Boo-ooh.”

My bossy ways gave me hell.

My heart is broken. I have no respect.

It’s time for me to change, I knew that

He didn’t know what he should do.

“Take care of others,” said a little bird.

“Learn the desires inside each head.”

“Tell me what you WANT to play”,

I asked the children and heard them say:

I’m glad you asked. It’s good to do it.

You are affectionate account. We’ll play with you.”

Don’t tell the children what to play,

Ask instead. You will win that way.

Like all children. They will like you too.

Make care count like leaders do.

Summary of 7 Leadership Skills Your Bossy Child Needs to Learn

It is a mistake to think that bossy children are born leaders. Many are rejected and have no followers. Use the checklist in this article to see if your son has any of the 7 behaviors she needs to avoid. If you do, develop the art of friendly small talk and have discussions about the 7 items on the list. Get your input. Listen well.

Next, discuss and act out leadership skills that your child can easily learn. Create a box for one new behavior at a time. Star rewards can help. Then talk about each success. Stars, chats, and friendships are your rewards for improving your behavior and leaving your bossy ways behind.

Finally, encourage your child to draw the scenes from the poem. Then she memorizes all or parts of it. If she does, she will be training her son to think before he speaks and become a likeable leader as well.