The marriage rapidly deteriorates into a dull, cold and lonely existence for one or both partners when the couple loses emotional intimacy in the marriage. The emotional connection of couples has diminished so much today that husbands and/or wives become unhappy in marriage. Then the marriage can become silent, angry or resentful. This is where extramarital affairs can begin or when divorces occur. When emotional connection, also known as emotional intimacy, deteriorates, the consequences are detrimental to the marriage.

Generally, couples who lack healthy emotional intimacy don’t understand the problem, but realize that something is wrong with their marriage. By the way, their love seems to be breaking down. In addition, it is evident that the marriage has lost its spark and desires. Often, it is one spouse who lacks emotional intimacy, while the other spouse is happy with their marital relationship and communication just the way it is.

The perfectly satisfied spouse doesn’t feel that there is anything wrong with the marriage while their partner suffers in silence. So if the marriage fails, the content spouse has no idea what went wrong. Unfortunately, the emotionally neglected spouse continually suffers because his needs for emotional intimacy are not being met by his partner. This is difficult to explain to a spouse who doesn’t require the same degree of emotional intimacy or who doesn’t recognize that their marriage is in trouble.

Husbands and wives seem to have become emotionally distanced as a “one” unit due to copious amounts of responsibilities, financial obligations, or fulfilling their own agendas. From this break in emotional intimacy, desires eventually fade, love dies, and a dead, boring, loveless marriage evolves. It is when emotional intimacy is absent that resentments develop, anger escalates, and loneliness sets in. Depression and low self-esteem are also very common in an unhappy marriage.

Over time, emotional intimacy subsides when each spouse’s responsibilities take precedence over their spouse’s needs and their marital happiness. Couples are no longer on the same page working to keep their intimacy exciting. Instead, they are moving in opposite directions and doing their own thing. Legitimate or not, unfortunately, this movement in opposite directions creates barriers between the couple. Unfortunately, the couple separates.

Even if husband and wife live under the same roof, sleep in the same bed, and fulfill their marriage commitment, boredom and loss of desire often take over all feelings of attraction for each other. Unnecessarily, neglected emotional intimacy in marriage has damaged a couple’s ability to maintain intimacy on all levels. At this point, it seems that all the marriage does is exist on a daily basis. Unfortunately, when emotional intimacy is neglected or not recognized as problematic, the couple becomes dissatisfied and miserable in marriage. Many times this happens to the relationship before the couple realizes what is going on. Regardless, one or both spouses may start looking for alternatives to bring happiness into their lives.

Perhaps you have heard a close friend or family member confess… I feel lonely in my marriage. What this person is saying is that I feel hurt, I feel lonely, I feel depressed, I feel angry, I feel resentful toward my spouse. This is just a short list of feelings that can occur if emotional intimacy is lacking in a marriage.

An example of impaired emotional intimacy is a spouse who is, or appears to be, emotionally absent. For example, when you talk to your spouse and they don’t listen, much less respond, a partner will feel abandoned and insignificant. A spouse who repeatedly becomes engrossed in his or her personal responsibilities, interests, and hobbies can create deaf ears and show a lack of interest. Even though the self-absorbed spouse is not intentionally trying to hurt his partner, he is hurting himself. Due to repeated harm, the communicating spouse feels ignored and unimportant. Generally, an emotionally neglected spouse will become a silent and hurt partner. Then, the barriers between the couple will get bigger and the hurt partner is likely to withdraw. Then, day by day, the couple will grow further apart.

Another rather shocking and seemingly trivial example of “emotional intimacy distress” is not taking your partner’s trash out. You may wonder how junk details are neglecting emotional intimacy, but it’s especially so if homework is a high priority for your spouse. Regardless of how ridiculous or petty you may see this task, it can weigh heavily on your spouse’s emotions. They can interrupt you for lack of participation, disinterest, not sharing responsibilities or carelessness. If this task is very important to your partner and you do not help with the task, anger and resentment can manifest. Then, every time you neglect the crap details, this anger and resentment quickly resurfaces. From pent-up anger and emotional feelings, a disconnect can occur and cause serious damage over time.

Once a couple becomes emotionally disconnected, their sex life will also quickly feel the ill effects. It is virtually impossible to bond sexually when there is diminished emotional intimacy in the marriage. Couples become sexless marriages, or virtually sexless marriages due to impaired emotional intimacy. It is almost impossible to keep sexual desires and arousal alive when emotional intimacy is not met first. You have to properly balance the emotional intimacy side to reap the sexual intimacy side of the equation in a marriage.

9 signs that emotional intimacy is suffering in a marriage:

1. The couples have stopped talking and sharing their daily events and happenings. Communication has diminished and silence has developed.

2. Couples have stopped touching and feeling genuine desire. There is little or no intimate interaction between the couple to keep the passion alive.

3. Husbands and wives have stopped kissing intensely. Giving quick kisses to the spouse has taken over kissing with passion, love and feelings.

4. The desire and mutual fire of couples has deteriorated. Instead, couples become disconnected and loveless marriages due to a dead sexual interest.

5. Spouses don’t listen to their partner. When a spouse isn’t listening, the sighs of frustration, depression, and body language will certainly be present in the absent spouse. These few signs are evidence of unhappiness and emotional pain.

6. Husbands and wives feel that their own responsibilities are greater than the responsibilities of their partners. As a result, one of the spouses feels unappreciated.

7. Husband and wife meet independently to attend the same functions instead of taking a few extra minutes to gather in their driveway and travel together as a couple.

8. Husbands and wives do not dine together as a family unit. Instead, couples eat dinner on the run or eat in front of the TV, where staying connected is impossible.

9. Husbands and wives are emotionally damaging their marital relationship by cursing and calling their partner vulgar names. As a result, husbands and/or wives experience anger, unhappiness, low self-esteem, or depression due to this form of harmful behavior.

These are just a few examples of the breakdown of emotional intimacy in a marriage, but the list goes on and on. It’s the stressors of money, bills, work, and parenting that quickly erode the connection between a man and his wife. When emotional intimacy decreases, marriages become cold, distant, and sexual desire decreases.

Without a healthy bond of emotional intimacy between husbands and wives, the marriage can become a constant state of misery and unhappiness. Until spouses understand how important it is to stay emotionally connected, and then work to nurture each other’s emotions, unhappiness will remain, divorces will occur, extramarital affairs will continue, and loveless and dead marriages will exist.

When emotional intimacy is suffering in a marriage, sexual desires will fade and spontaneity will certainly die. Then, the sexual encounters of a couple will become distant, cold and rushed. Sexual intercourse carried out in this manner is not passionate lovemaking for your partner. This is simply carrying out sex as a chore instead of exchanging love and desire for each other.

Arousing passion and sexual desire will die for each other if you don’t make an extra effort to keep your emotional intimacy alive and well. Sexual intimacy feeds off the emotional intimacy in the relationship. Today, if you begin to correct the emotional intimacy side of your relationship, your entire marital relationship will improve. Then your sexual relationship will surely come to life too.

You have the ability to rediscover the desire and passion for each other that was once burning if you take the first step to make a difference. However, you cannot work on emotional intimacy for one day and expect lasting change, you must work every day from this day forward. You must feed your relationship every day so that it does not starve.

Why stay in a loveless or sexless marriage, when a few changes can save your marriage and renew your desire for each other? Then you can live your life together in happiness and sexual satisfaction.