Often the articles I write are intended to help wives who are having trouble or difficulty forgiving and healing from their husband’s cheating. The other day, however, I received an email that was a bit different. This wife wasn’t writing because she had problems giving her husband’s affair (she already had), but because he couldn’t forgive himself for his infidelity, and of course that also made it difficult for both of them to continue. ahead. In the next article, I will tell you about the advice and tips I gave her, intended to help her husband forgive himself for her affair.
Understand that a husband’s cheating is often related to his low or low self-esteem: Many people confuse the reasons for the issues. Many assume it has everything to do with sex or that a couple’s sex life has become stale at home, so a man will cheat as a way to broaden his sexual horizons. I suppose this can happen from time to time, but more often than not, the affair arises because the husband is trying to fix some perceived inadequacies within himself. He no longer feels young, powerful, dignified, or attractive.
So when the opportunity presents itself, you can justify it because you see it as an outlet for the negative feelings that have been plaguing you. Many men think that they will just deal with this problem, finish it, and then move on as if nothing happened. They assume they won’t get caught and so they don’t see the need to complicate things with confessions or explanations.
But obviously something has gone wrong. The wife now knows about the matter and it has caused her a lot of pain. He knows that he needs to make amends and make things right. But, the pain and hurt in your eyes and in your very posture continue to remind him of that weakness he was trying to cover up in the first place.
Does he know or feel that you have truly forgiven him? Do you doubt your sincerity? Often when I have these situations where the husband can’t forgive himself for cheating on me, I have no choice but to look at the wife. Because often a man’s feelings about this are going to stem from the silent or not-so-silent signals that he receives from his wife.
Many men will tell me that although their wives have said they forgave the cheating and moved on, their body language, actions, suspicions, and resentment tell a different story. Wives will continue to look at them with lowered eyes, they will continue to avoid intimacy, and they will continue to keep their husbands at a distance. He is not letting himself escape because deep down you are not either.
He may look at you and say that you and the marriage are still very damaged. And he knows without a doubt that this is all his fault. His already low self-esteem combined with this guilt and shame is a very dangerous situation that is not fun at all. But, he knows that he has made this mess and can’t see a way out.
How they can both finally forgive the affair and move on: Honestly, true healing from an affair takes time, patience, and commitment from both parties. You have to be patient with yourself. And you have to be willing to be completely honest, unbearably vulnerable, and willing to open up to someone who has hurt you. This may seem risky and wrong. But for a marriage to truly heal, these things are necessary, and the rewards can be great.
The key to all of this is that you both believe that you can correct this mistake together. It’s really possible to use this as the encouragement you need to fix things until they’re not only no longer broken, but better than ever. This happens. When I tell people this, they often say “well, that’s going to happen to me.” I understand why you might think this way, but this doesn’t help you right now.
People who really do come out of an affair can do so because they have rebuilt trust and established a marriage that is actually better than the last. They have learned to communicate on a deeper level and feel completely understood. As a result, they are satisfied and satisfied. In short, they’re happy, so they don’t need to keep digging through the crusts of the past. They have forgiven because they are not only okay, but they are in a better place than ever.
Of course, this may seem like the whole process is backwards. Maybe. But I promise you, if you can get to a place where your marriage is fulfilling and satisfying (and sometimes you just have to trust the process and move on even if you have doubts), then forgiveness will be the last thing on your mind. Honestly, eventually, that becomes yesterday’s news.
