Who I am? Where I go? What kind of person will I end up being?’ These are questions about self-identity. Genealogy websites help people trace their ancestors. This is an extremely popular hobby. It shows the importance of an aspect of self-identity when each of us asks ourselves ‘Where do I come from?’

How we see ourselves influences how we function in life and how people behave towards us, for example levels of happiness, anxiety, social integration, self-esteem and life satisfaction.

The way the world thinks about us
The world sees us in terms of physical size, gender, age, health, family situation, work and social status, income, etc. Or in relation to the roles we play, eg team player, employer, neighbor, family member, friend. Or how we come across to others, for example intelligence level, social skills, whether talkative, calm or emotional, elated or depressed, etc.

Private dimension of one’s own identity
However, there is also a private dimension to one’s identity. For example, if I secretly see myself as a great gardener, I might avidly read gardening books. If I see myself as ‘old school’, I will tend to read magazines more often than peruse the internet.

Part of our own identity is expressed in the style of our clothing: ethnic fashion, formal wear, business casual, sportswear, goth, punk, etc. However, it is not so easy to put into words who we feel we really are deep down.

Some of us have a sense of inner well-being and confidence in the future despite going through difficult times of setbacks and adversity. Others of us may be basically unhappy and dissatisfied with ourselves.

Self-identity as a mixture of characteristics
Psychologist Carl Rogers thought that emotionally healthy people tend not to identify with the roles created for them by the expectations of others, and instead seek the genuine within themselves.

The question ‘Who am I?’ rather it invites an all-or-nothing response. However, one’s self-concept is often a collection of beliefs about oneself. Our self-knowledge may be ill-defined. Aren’t we allowed to be complex creatures with a mix of inconsistent characteristics? Can’t I be kind and lazy, honest and dodgy, good and bad?

Young people in particular tend to be different people in different social contexts. Who has not noticed the teenager who is happy and talkative with his friends but who is different at home, sometimes moody and quiet? Which is the real person? How to know who you are?

Studies of teens online suggest that anonymity appears to be important. It helps them explore their own priorities and values ​​by experimenting with how they express diverse and sometimes inconsistent opinions about, for example, personal relationships.

Integration and self-identity
What we like will vary greatly, especially when we are younger. Whether it is wanting to win arguments, satisfy curiosity, achieve success, find a loving partner, etc.

However, each new interest we develop takes its place in relation to the others and works together with them.

I would say that as we become adults, we start to become more self-aware and also more integrated as people. In other words, the disharmony between our features is slowly reduced.

dominant motivation
According to this image of personal growth, anything that is not in harmony is left out. Gradually an undercurrent forms that attracts and carries the person even if he is not aware of it. What they love and value in their life develops in them.

It explains why people find certain things more interesting and why they live like us. In other words, if the individual continues in this way, the growth of a dominant motivation occurs. What they really want begins to define who they are.

Self-identity is related to the basic values ​​that influence occupational choice. For example, the investment banker values ​​money and the school teacher values ​​education and helping students.

In addition to job options, negative and positive values ​​appear in other areas that the individual may tend to focus on. It could be gaining power to get your way with things, achieving celebrity status, or increasing wealth. You could be producing quality services or products. Or maybe wanting new knowledge and skills. Being a loving parent or spouse with happy relationships. It could be any of several things.

ruling love
So what gives us energy? What makes us want to get out of bed every morning? What are we living life for? The answer is the love that governs our life and we see it as good. It defines what is significant in our daily lives. It shapes the principles we follow.

Even our closest friends cannot say for sure what underlying motivation rules our hearts. We may not even know ourselves. However, I am sure that, sooner or later, all the color and character of the way we live our lives derives from our dominant love.

Conclusion on self-identity
The deepest motivation of each person is unique. However, from an ethical perspective, we might want to consider whether our dominant motive is good or bad, whether it involves concern for others, deeper principles, materialistic concerns, or primarily self-interest. Self identity continues to be a work in progress as we try to live out our hopes and values.

“What we love constitutes our life, and whatever we love we not only do freely but also think freely… If this doing and this thinking are not working together in us, then they are not part of our life.” (Emanuel Swedenborg, spiritual philosopher)