I finally found out when my daughter was born. I was the only one who could stop the freight train of my life, if it was going to change. I was a workaholic. I was a young associate pastor in a growing church of about six hundred people. I felt like I was responsible for everything. I took that responsibility before God seriously; there was so much to do. I felt guilty when I relaxed. I felt like a slacker if I wasn’t in church, not just during normal work hours, but at least three or four nights a week, which often turned out to be every night of the week. He had a seven-year-old son, and although he would have repeated like a parrot that the best investment of time is to spend it with the children. When I took the time to play with him, I had this nagging feeling that I really should be doing something. I never felt that he had done enough. Have you ever felt like this?

It was with the birth of my daughter that I realized that the only one who could stop this was me. The world was not going to stop, work was not going to disappear, people’s expectations were not going to diminish. But I had to change. I had to rethink what I thought God was asking of me and what was really important in life. I had to take a look at what I was allowing to dominate my life. I love the line from Charles E. Hummel’s article, “The Tyranny of the Urgent.” He writes, “It is not God who burdens us until we bend or crack with an ulcer, a nervous breakdown, a heart attack, or a stroke. These come from our inner compulsions coupled with the pressure of circumstances.”

In short, I had to learn to say “No” to people, so that I could say “Yes” to the things that were really important. I had to face the fact that even though others may not like it, for the sake of my family and my life, I had to do it. As my wife, Beth, used to remind me, “The church can find another pastor and continue with little interruption, but your children will only have one dad.” I also had to face that my hustle was an addiction that made me feel important. It is a substitute for the value and meaning that I, as a Christian, needed to obtain from God.

I’ve seen some things in the process. One is that God always has someone else to do the things I used to say “Yes” to. If something has to be done, it is done. Second, I can also spend more time with the Lord. I always wanted to “stay” more in Christ. Jesus said that the key to fruitfulness that really matters is staying in it or spending time with it. It has deepened my time with, trust and focus on Him.

We have a choice. We can let expectations and the pace of life drive us. We can let the endless amount of tasks that seem so important right now dictate our schedule. We can let our inner need for validation, meaning, and social status drive our lives. Or, with our eyes on the Lord, we can realign our lives, so that what dominates our lives are the things that are really going to matter. The only person who can make that decision for your life is you. Just do it. Then ask the Lord to give you the wisdom, strength, and courage to work at it daily. Life is so much better that way.