After you take a break from your ex and then decide that it’s time to try texting him, you may find yourself in a quandary. It’s hard enough figuring out what to say in those first few text messages to your ex. But that’s not your only problem.

What happens when your ex responds? What do you say then? How do you respond to their answer?

I wish you were careful with the first text messages you sent. After all, you shouldn’t try to get your ex back right away.

Instead, you simply want to open the lines of communication and give your ex a chance to start a conversation, but only if he or she wants to. Your first few texts should never pressure your ex to reply.

So let’s say you did that and sent a nice text “across the arc” to get the ball rolling. Maybe it was something like, “I caught myself thinking of you when I heard that Adele song that you love. I hope you’re doing great.”

Now it is a waiting game. How is your ex going to respond? There are 4 possible scenarios.

1.) No response at all

2.) A neutral answer

3.) A positive response

4.) A negative answer

If you don’t get any response, that’s fine. Do not worry about that. Your ex may not be ready to hear from you. Wait a few days or a week and then try again with another text message variation. Whatever you do, don’t start sending them message after message asking why they aren’t replying to you.

A neutral response is something like “Thank you” or “I’m fine, thank you. You?” If your ex responds like this, you may be tempted to reply and have a long, long conversation with him. But you shouldn’t. Instead, respond in a friendly but equally neutral manner and end the conversation.

For example, “I’m fine. Hey, I have to run, but I’m glad to hear from you. Bye for now.”

You most likely won’t get a super positive response unless you’ve broken up with your ex and they are excited to hear from you because they weren’t ready for the relationship to end. If they broke up with you, they may have also realized that they made a mistake and therefore may be very happy to hear from you.

Again, don’t engage in a long conversation. Treat this as a neutral answer. Respond that you are doing great, it was amazing to hear from them, but you have to go and then finish the conversation. This will make them miss you and yearn for you even more.

Lastly, if you receive an extremely negative response from your ex, you will need to give them more time. In this case, don’t text them again for several weeks. If they say something like, “I’m still really hurt and I really don’t want to talk to you right now,” just respond with something like, “I’m sorry. I totally understand. I hope you’re okay.”

Regardless of the response you get from your ex, always be the first to end the conversation and resist the urge to engage in a long and endless conversation. It’s hard to resist the urge to talk to them more, especially when you get a positive response, but you will put yourself in a much better position to win them back if you keep them wanting more.