As we go through life, the people in our inner circle become serious enemies. Some ‘friends’ who are certainly not the real deal end up tearing us apart. Before we are ready to handle its negativity, gossip and meanness hit us right in the face; this can be hard to beat. Dealing with this brand of people is a mystery. Here are my two things to help you get ahead without letting negative forces dominate your path and destroy your inner peace.

Identify the suspects causing the disharmony

This can be a catch 22 problem. Having a hint but no proof can throw you off your game. You may feel small, wondering why you are the target. Instead of dismissing the problem or wallowing in the dark, it is necessary to discover the rebellious element. You can confront the person head on, which is the best method. In all likelihood, the person(s) will become defensive and the problem may flare up in another direction. However, stay the course. Once you have identified the person(s), keep them out of your circle. Another very simple way is to maintain a civility that will irritate the person or people. The latter option may sound cruel, especially when you’re hurt. But once you can determine who created the mess, plan your next move.

chorus of voices

Most unpleasant people master the art of pushing your buttons and you end up falling for their trap. A person or chorus of voices that are the cause of dissent have their agenda. The idea is to retain the false glory for fifteen minutes of fame. This is where dexterity and alacrity come into play: don’t adopt the same tone and respond with poisonous vitriol. Opposing points of view are welcome. Having a healthy dialogue is the mature way to go. But in all likelihood, the negative voices will never accept this, as they want to disagree. When and if the dialogue gets too nasty, the vile language in the cards, deal with the chaos delicately but firmly. People will stay or go, that is a choice. You have to decide who makes the cut for you personally and who you need to eliminate from your inner circle.


Too much thinking never did anyone any good. But knowing the reasons behind the anger, negativity, and meanness can help you analyze the situation without letting subjective images come into play. Analytical thinking helps formulate a strategy as you move to the next step. Seek help from trusted people for a brainstorming session, perhaps a family member or someone targeted to plan your next move. The chances of working on a compromise may not work if the opposing side is bogged down with animosity and bad blood. Once you have looked at the situation without blinders, surround yourself with positivity and free your mind of negativity. This helps in the analytical process.


Being on the receiving end of bitter voices, trolls, nasty messages, gossip and whatnot is sure to put you on your guard where trust becomes an issue. this is natural. Everyone feels this way. After a major backlash, trusting someone makes even the strongest person miserable and sinks into depression. Trust yourself and never let misery keep you company. At some point, you have to break down your barriers. Be watchful and careful. In life, we have our ups and downs. You need to stay the course, stand tall, and work on your trust issues. It is prudent to note that not everyone is out for blood. Some will be by your side. There may not be many. But over time, with your dedication and kindness, the enemies will change their minds.

forgiveness and love

The Bible teaches us to forgive one another. However, it becomes difficult when there are evil forces trying to bring you down. How do you forgive people who have set traps and tarnished your name? One can be paralyzed by fear, shock, confusion, bitterness. Being able to live your best life can be difficult. But you have to try, giving up is not the solution. When you are ready to forgive someone, you actually become a bigger person. This is a constant refrain, but when you forgive completely and unconditionally, without malice, you are free. The other person(s) will eventually be stunned and try to claw their way back into her goodwill. Forgiveness also means that you don’t hold grudges. But you should never let your guard down. Love is the way to go. Love yourself and do not allow bad words to destroy the life that God has destined for you.

In sum

Chaos comes to us when we least expect it, and when it does we are left to pick up the debris. The problem is that negativity has (more or less) become the new positive. When you treat a subject with maturity, your personal happiness improves and nothing and no one can burst your bubble.

I have been fighting negativity for decades. Of course, people in the public eye are up against much more. To move forward, surround yourself with people who love and respect you and with God on your side, nothing will or should separate you from the life you have to live.

Haters are going to hate anyway. Stay the course of love and do not fall into the trap of negativity.

Here are some steps to keep calm in the midst of chaos and hate.

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