I often hear of wives whose husbands are begging to come home after infidelity. Usually the wife finds out that the husband cheated on him or had an affair and threw him out of the house right away. Many of these husbands do not like this arrangement and begin to call or come in the hope of convincing the wife to allow him to return home to make up for her or save the marriage.

I heard a wife say, “I caught my husband having an affair seven weeks ago. He was cheating on someone at work and immediately put his clothes on the porch and locked him out of the house. He has been living in a hotel. We talk sometimes, but I’m still not sure what I want to do. Some days, I feel like I should separate or file for divorce. And some days, I actually miss him and think about giving him a chance to see or spend time with me. another day, I picked up the phone and he proceeded to beg me to let him come home and ‘fix it.’ I asked him what he meant by that and he said he was sure if I allowed him to go home, he would see how sorry and sincere he was. He says that if I give him the chance, he knows that I could fix our marriage and make me happy again. I told him I wasn’t sure there was any way to “fix” a marriage that he chose to break out of his deception, especially because their actions don’t they were accidental if not deliberate. and how I should let him go home. I do not know what to do. Should I let him come back into my life? “I did not have an easy answer for this wife. Only she could decide if she was ready for him to come home. This was not a decision I could make. But I could offer him some ideas, which I will share with you.

He doesn’t need to live under your roof to start fixing your marriage: You don’t have to live under the same roof to begin healing or repairing your marriage after infidelity. Yes, it is often a little easier when you have access to your spouse, but it is not absolutely necessary. Of course, desperate husbands will try to make you think it is necessary because they want to go home. Maybe you really regret it and even have a workable plan, but you can carry it out whether you live at home or not. Many people go to therapy, solve their problems, or repair their marriage when they live apart. Frankly, sometimes things are so volatile that this distance can really make things better because it reduces immediacy, drama, and encourages the couple to miss each other.

What if you want me to come home ?: This is a completely different story. If you miss him and want him to come home, this is also valid. But don’t think you have to let him come home to save your marriage. And be careful to make it very clear that allowing him to go home does not mean that all is forgiven or that you are excused from “fixing” it or doing your part to help him heal. Returning home does not mean that you will not have to work hard on the problems that preceded the adventure, came after, or were the direct result of it.

What does a husband mean when he says he wants to “fix it?”“That really depends on the husband. Some men really intend to come home and show you that now he will be the best husband you could wish for. He may intend to come home and show you how caring, caring, and faithful man that It may be. Or you may intend to do these things, but you can actually go home and slip back into old habits. And unfortunately, some men use the excuse of “coming home to fix it” as a way to back to your good wishes without really being sure about making real changes or real healing.

This is why I often recommend not rushing into anything if you have doubts. And it was clear to me that even though the wife missed her husband, she definitely had some doubts. So I suggested that she could respond with something like, “I know you want to go home and there are some days when I want that too. But I don’t feel comfortable taking that step until we’ve done a lot more work on our marriage. I need to see. a little more progress because, when you come home, I want it to last. I don’t want to make a hasty decision and then regret it because we didn’t lay the groundwork for that necessary to heal and save our marriage. Why don’t we keep making progress and see what happens “I appreciate you wanting to fix it, but you can fix it without having to go home right away. Let’s not rush into anything and if things go well between us, we’ll talk about this again soon.”

Note that I was careful to make it clear that the wife was open to him coming back in the future as long as he showed her willingness to fix it no matter what circumstances he was dealing with. This is an important distinction because you want him to honestly keep up and try to make things better as you continue to move slowly until you are sure it is time to allow him to go home.