Direct Answers – Column for the week of June 30, 2003

Please bear with me. I desperately need advice. I dated this girl for a year and we broke up many times for religious reasons. We are of two different faiths, and she wanted our potential children to be of her faith and her faith alone.

That seemed a bit unfair to me. I also want to share my children’s spirituality, and I also want to take them to my church and experience a little bit of what I had growing up. She did not like this idea. She said that she would be fine if she took them to my church, but the children could not pray with me or with “my” God.

I tried to explain to him that we are all one and all children of God. I said that our children would benefit from what the two religions have to offer. Also, since we care so much about each other, we should respect each other’s beliefs.

We never reached an agreement, and three months ago we broke up for good. Last week he invited me to dinner. He told me that she dated someone for a month, but it didn’t work out. She hurt me because the idea of ​​her dating someone else makes me sick.

One thing led to another, and we were close. When we broke up, she said that she would always love me and that she would email her when she got engaged so she wouldn’t have to wonder what if. She also said that one day she might change her mind and agree with my views on children.

I don’t know what to do. Oh one more thing, before dating me she had a four month relationship with a married man twice her age.

NEXT

Sig, a person who suggests you feel so strongly about your religious faith needs to date within that faith. But that only partly describes his situation.

Your ex girlfriend seems to be making up the rules as she goes along. Her behavior does not reflect a life lived within religious teachings. It’s like she’s trying to add pity to herself by talking about her religious fervor for children who don’t yet exist.

She is also giving you hope for the future in case she cannot find someone else, and because you have been intimate with her, you feel possessive of her. That’s why the thought of dating another makes you sick. You are also afraid of the uncertainties of dating again.

Don’t let your desire for a relationship blind you to what is happening. Allowing her to come back to you because she can’t find someone else is in her interest, not yours. She does you a disservice by saying that she loves you, because what you are describing is a woman who likes you to the point where you are not of her religion.

Wayne and Tamara

too late

My friend Missy is getting married this Saturday. I am the maid of honor. Missy’s fiancé has expressed deep concern about her sex life. He’s basically not getting anything.

Missy’s fiancé has asked Missy’s friends, including me, to talk to her about it. So far nothing seems to work. She has already said that she will have to suffer in that aspect of her relationship for the rest of her life. I know it’s a personal problem, but is there anything she can do to help?

Tricia

Young Tricia, Missy’s fiancée has no idea how long a life can be. She will never have more influence than she does now, but she marries with a marriage ending problem.

There is no indication in her letter that Missy is saving herself for marriage. Rather he believes that by marrying her he has accepted things as they are. Letters like yours make us want to scream in frustration. When will we get the letter from him asking if she should cheat or get a divorce?

wayne