It is common for me to hear from wives and lovers who simply do not understand why a man who was actively involved in an affair (for which he was willing to risk everything) suddenly changes his behavior dramatically and decides that he now wants his family back.
A common mistress comment goes something like: “This man told me that no woman had ever made him feel like me. He said that finally, when he could break free, he couldn’t wait to be with me forever. Wife found out about the affair, I honestly thought this was the beginning of our lives together. But now, he suddenly decided that he can’t be with me because he wants his family to come back. Well, he should have known how committed he was to his family before he got involved with someone else. Why are you doing that? “
A common comment for a wife is something like, “When my husband told me about the affair, he actually said that he was in love with the other woman and that as much as it hurt to say it, our marriage was over. I really didn’t want to. accept this, but it was obvious she didn’t have much of a choice. Heartbroken, I started the divorce process and tried to start over. Now, two months later, she has decided that she wants to get her family back. and has allegedly banished her woman of his life. Why would he do this? Why do men suddenly want to win back the family they don’t even deserve? “
Actually, both women had the right to ask these questions. It can seem very unfair that a man suddenly wants to change his mind, especially when you feel that the outcome of your own life is going to be influenced by the decisions he makes. It may seem that you are not the one making the decisions or making the decisions in your own life and that can be quite frustrating. In the following, I will try to explain some of the common reasons cheating husbands finally decide that they want their families back.
When men decide to enter into a relationship outside of their family, they do not realize how they will feel once they do not have that same family: Men often get so caught up in the excitement and novelty of the adventure that they believe this whole relationship has added a new dimension or richness to their life that they don’t want to do without. So, they decide to follow this afterlife or this other woman with seemingly unshakable determination. At that point, they think they understand the sacrifices that are going to be involved. But often, they have no idea how they will really feel once they feel hurt and then leave their families. The reality and pain of those actions can take you by surprise.
They do not anticipate how much they will miss being a daily part of their children’s lives or how much pain they will feel knowing how they have altered those very lives. Some men find that they even miss wives they were sure they left behind long ago. In short, they miss being part of a close family, and the thrill of an adventure is second to none. It is often at this point that men realize that the affair was not even a product of reality. Once the husband and the other woman have to start dealing with everyday things like doing laundry, dining, working, etc., then the relationship becomes more of partnership and less of arousal inducer. It is often at this point that the husband realizes that he misjudged his feelings for everyone involved. Very often, when the adventure is not perfect in every way, a man starts thinking things like “Did I give up my family for this? What was I thinking? How could I have been so stupid?”
Often both women in this scenario are quite clear about the fact that the man’s behavior has endangered his family and many will tell him that because of his actions, he does not deserve his family. Believe it or not, men would often agree with this assessment. Many will tell you that they know they don’t deserve their family, but that doesn’t stop them from wanting to get their family back anyway. They will also often tell you that they are willing to do anything for one more chance. Because once they have had a taste of life without their family, they are so afraid of losing them forever.
I often cannot tell women in this situation if they should allow this man to come back into their lives. That is a decision that only they can make. However, I can tell you that many men think they are sincere when they decide they want to get their families back. And many fear that it is too late to make this happen. Yes, it would have been nice if they had come to this conclusion before cheating. But, sadly, there is often the threat of losing something in order to fully appreciate it. I have met men who promise never to ever put their families in danger again, and they have more than delivered on that promise. They have also become faithful and grateful husbands. However, each one is different. And extensive healing is often necessary for this to become a reality.
