In some marriages marred by an affair, there comes a time when the husband has to choose between the other woman and the wife. The wife usually expects him to do the right thing and tell her something. However, this does not always happen. It is often assumed that once the husband chooses the other woman, the marriage is over. But what happens when the husband realizes that he has made a mistake and wants to win back the marriage from him? It can be an incredibly difficult situation with many variables to consider.

To demonstrate this, a confused wife might say, “I was devastated when my husband announced that he couldn’t leave the other woman. He said that he had developed real and lasting feelings for her and that they were going to try to improve their relationship.” By last. So he loaded her car, said goodbye to the children while they all cried, and went to live with her. I figured that would be the end of my marriage and tried to pick up the pieces as best I could. I might. The last few months have been a nightmare for my children and me. But what other choice did he have? I’ve been taking things day by day. Well, almost three months after he left us, my husband came to the house. and after we put the kids to bed, he told me that he made a big mistake. He says that being with the other woman full time made him realize that she is not who he thought she was. He says that their relationship is completely over. and that he now he wants to get his marriage back. Well, what about what I want? he would tell her to jump into a lake and that it’s too late for all this. But I see how miserable my children have been without their dad. My parents got divorced and this affected me deeply. I don’t want to do this to my children. But I’m not sure how our marriage can work because I know that when things were bad, he chose someone else. I’m not sure I can top this. All I keep thinking is that I wasn’t his first choice. So part of me thinks that saving our marriage is a waste of both of our time and is going to get my kids needlessly excited. I just don’t know what to do.”

I absolutely understand your confusion, pain, and frustration. I think most people would feel exactly the same way. This is a difficult situation. And my inclination in situations like this is not to make sudden or quick decisions. You don’t have to commit to saving your marriage right now. You don’t even have to make any big decisions right now. You can tell your husband that he is willing to spend more time together in the near future for the sake of her children, but you can’t make any promises beyond that.

Then you can watch their behavior very closely and assess your own feelings as you go through the process. I would suggest not to force anything and not to rush it. This may take a while to resolve. You may not know how you feel or what you want right away. But you ultimately decide what you want to happen. The fact that he has changed his mind does not dictate your actions. You have a say in your own life.

I know many people will resist counseling but in a situation as difficult as this I think it can be helpful and I would suggest individual counseling first before deciding if you want joint counseling but your therapist will certainly know better. As for what is advised.

Finally, I don’t want to discourage you. Couples can and do reconcile all the time in this scenario. It is absolutely possible. At the same time, I don’t feel like you should feel pressured or rushed. You will likely need a long time to process this and begin to heal before you can think about what you want to do with your marriage. Sure, he may have had a change of heart. But you can decide what (if anything) this means to you. And if you finally decide you want to save your marriage, you can do it on your own terms. There’s nothing wrong with spending time together for the sake of the kids and then seeing where that takes you. But the choice is really yours.