I often hear from wives who have trouble understanding their husband’s strange or troublesome behavior after his infidelity or affair. A common example of this is the defensive attitude. Many wives find that their husband becomes particularly defensive of any question, comment, or observation.

I recently heard a wife say, “No matter what I say to my husband, I get a very defensive comment. I’m not always accusing him or even talking about cheating or adventure half the time, but I still feel wrong”. the same answer. It’s like he’s constantly waiting for you to attack or criticize him. I will not deny that I am angry and disappointed in him. But what does he expect? He cheated on me and had an affair. Of course I’m going to have questions and some angry words. I feel like I deserve it. But it’s not like I’m constantly insisting on that. However, this does not matter. It doesn’t matter what you say, how you say it. that, or what we’re talking about, I’ll get a defensive response. Why is this? And what can I do about it? “I will try to discuss these questions and concerns in the next article.

Reasons husbands get defensive after being caught cheating or having an affair: As you can imagine, there are many reasons why men can feel or act defensive after cheating or having an affair. He probably knows very well that you are disappointed and angry with him, so the defensive attitude and posture that you are seeing right now is almost a preemptive strike against that. Sometimes you will feel that if you can hit the wall you have built around yourself first, you will not feel your disappointment, pain, and anger as deeply.

Another reason you may feel or see you defensive is that you feel like you need to justify your behavior, even to yourself. So he’s always waiting and ready to tell himself (or you) that he had his reasons for acting the way he did. Sometimes this is a reaction to your feeling of guilt and shame for what you have done, so you try to counter this with your defensive attitude.

Finally, I sometimes have men tell me that they constantly feel attacked by their wives for the matter. Whether this is true or not, sometimes when men feel attacked, they drive themselves back in their own way, and this is usually with those defenses that they have been rehearsing in their own head. In short, this is a way for them to feel better about themselves when they know that they have really hurt you and that they have made a serious mistake.

What you can do when your husband gets too defensive after he cheats on you or has an affair: First, you have to understand that it is human nature to want to defend yourself when you think you are being made the only bad guy in a situation. That said, I certainly don’t want to imply that you are at fault anyway because you are not. Your husband is the one who made the decision to cheat. However, if their attitude is hurting or frustrating you even more, then maybe it’s time for an open and honest discussion about this.

Here is just one example. The next time you notice that your husband’s defensive behavior is driving a wedge between you or making the situation worse, you might consider saying something like, “I can’t help but notice that your responses and reactions to me are very defensive lately. I understand that you may feel like you want to defend yourself or explain yourself. But being defensive and refusing to open up doesn’t do us any good or improve our marriage. sound less like personal attacks and more like legitimate concerns. If you end up feeling attacked, please let me know so I can stay on top of it. In the same way, I’ll bring it to your attention when I’m too defensive so we can back off and start over. Because the two of us will have to work together and tear down our defenses, accusations and painful inter-actions if we can save our marriage and move on. ahead. And, believe it or not, that’s really what I want to do. I want us to heal and move on, but to do that, I need to be able to understand what caused this, how you feel now, and what you can do to prevent this from happening in the future. In that sense, I need you to be open and honest with me instead of being defensive. So can we agree that we both approach this differently from now on? “

You see I tried to keep things positive and direct? It is important to emphasize what you really want. Because if both of you can keep your focus on saving the marriage and move on, hopefully you will be able to divert your focus from the negative things that are happening, such as defensiveness and accusations.