Sometimes I hear from wives who have been telling their husband that they are leaving considering the house or marriage. Some are sincere about this. They are not happy and feel that taking a break by leaving may be the best thing at the time. Others aren’t exactly serious about leaving. They are threatening to leave in the hope that their husband will tell them not to (or at least get a reaction from him to show that he still cares).
Unfortunately, sometimes this backfires. The wife will announce her intention to leave her and expect her husband to try to stop her (or at least tell her not to leave). Instead, her husband will tell her that he doesn’t really care if she stays or goes. . This leaves her unsure how to proceed. Does she go when she really doesn’t want to to save face or prove something? Or does she give in and just tell him that she changed her mind? And what does her husband’s indifference say about the state of her marriage or her ability to save him?
She might say, “My husband and I have been fighting quite a bit for almost four months now. I did. Still, he complained constantly. I got tired of hearing him complain all the time, so I told him I was going to leave so he wouldn’t have to be so unhappy. Now, I’m going to be honest. I was really hoping he’d confess that he really didn’t. he wants us to live apart, which is why he hadn’t actually signed a lease or moved in yet. Instead, his exact words to me were, ‘I really don’t care if you stay or go. He just shrugged. He shrugged his shoulders and said that nothing really changes between us no matter what we do. Now, I’m not sure how to proceed. This hurts me. I was hoping he wouldn’t move on it meant he was willing to save our marriage, but ah he sometimes acts as if he doesn’t care if we live together or not. I don’t want to pack my things and go, but what do I tell her now? How do I avoid not having to leave my house? House? Do I have to admit that I gambled and lost and that my marriage is over?
I do not think. If everyone who ever threatened to leave their marriage ended up divorcing, the divorce rate would be much higher than it really is. Many couples make these kinds of threats in the heat of the moment and nothing really comes of it. The threats are understandable. They are usually done because things are wrong, but nothing is changing. Then one of the spouses decides to change things by threatening to leave. The hope is that the other spouse will beg them not to leave and he will have to come up with a plan to make things better. Frankly, her husband could have done the exact same thing when he threatened to leave earlier. He didn’t follow through on the threat and I don’t think you should either, especially if you really don’t want to go.
However, it goes without saying that for both of you to want to stay where you are, you will need to put in the effort and really improve your marriage so that one or both of you don’t get so frustrated that you just give up. . I think it would be helpful if you could clear things up, if possible, so that you both know that no one is going anywhere right away. Because if the life situation is up in the air, it becomes harder to commit to doing the work necessary to save your marriage. If you doubt your spouse will stay and work with you, there may be some uncertainty, which could hurt your progress. So you might try something like, “Well, you may not care if I stay or go, but I’ve decided I care a lot. I calmed down and thought about it, and if I’m being honest, I really don’t.” I do not want to go. I said I did it because I was frustrated and didn’t know how to fix this. But I think that instead of getting angry and threatening to leave, we could direct our energy to make things better between us. us so no one has to leave. I’d rather not go and live alone. I am hopeful that if we work together, none of us will have to live alone.”
Yes, saying this will make you feel vulnerable, it may make you uncomfortable, and it requires you to be a bigger person. But hopefully it will give you some time. Having cleared things up, hopefully no one has to threaten to leave in the hope that the other will tell them not to leave. Because, in essence, you will have achieved what you both hoped for: the peace of mind that with work, no one will have to leave, because no one really wants to separate.
