There is often a perception that a man having an affair will go to great lengths to keep his wife from finding out. People assume he will cover his tracks, delete his text messages and maybe even have a separate phone for his wife and the other woman.

Some men are just that cunning. But not all men. There is a small subset of men who don’t seem to care if his wife finds out about the affair. In fact, some of them almost leave clues for her to follow. And some wives will tell you that not only did she not hide the affair, she actually flaunted it. Someone might say, “My husband never really tried to camouflage his affair. He kept his phone right on the counter when she texted him. He didn’t announce that she was seeing someone else when he went out, but he didn’t.” “He doesn’t make excuses either. He just hadn’t come home or had come when he knew I was asleep. When I finally asked if he was having an affair, his response was, ‘Well, it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? He never apologized. He never offered to break up. Now that I know about her, he’s completely honest when he tells me who he’s with. He doesn’t talk about her willingly, but he doesn’t change the subject either. He’ll leave gifts for her on the counter. He’ll dress up and hum to himself “That’s right when I’m on my way to see her. I find this incredibly insensitive and I don’t understand why she’s doing it. Why? Would a man brag about his affair?”

Admittedly, I don’t know your husband, but I have a few theories as to why some men feel the need to flaunt their extracurricular activities. I will discuss them below.

how to pay for something: Many husbands go to great lengths to justify an affair. The most common reason I find a man flaunting his infidelity is when his wife has cheated on him before. In this case, he WANTS her to know. He waits for her to find out. He can’t wait until the day she realizes that she has paid him back. This is his way of saying “two can play that game.” Or “look, there are other women out there who will love me if you don’t.”

And even if the wife hasn’t previously cheated on her, she may still be trying to get back at her for some perceived slight. He may still be trying to show you that he is still attractive and desirable. He may want her to regret something he has done.

He is deeply involved in the other relationship and doesn’t care who knows.: Sometimes, especially in the early days of an adventure, people can get caught up in it. At first, they don’t really wonder where the relationship is going to go or who it’s going to hurt. So it’s easy to get caught up in the moment without moderating your actions. Your “show off” may be an extension of this. And your enthusiasm may mean you’re not spending energy or time trying to cover your tracks.

He just wants to feel good about himself: Honestly, I think the main reason men have affairs is to feel positive about themselves. As they age, slow down, or doubt themselves, they become much more vulnerable to an affair. Starting a new relationship shows them that they are still in the game. In a way, flaunting the relationship is trying to show YOU that they’re still in the game.

It’s almost a way of seeking their approval. They hope that when you see how they can be desired by someone else, they will also be desirable to you and to themselves. I know this need seems very silly and needy. But it is real.

It’s not that different from people who are constantly posting selfies on Facebook and are so desperate for attention and validation. This “bragging” behavior is along the same lines. They brag because they desperately seek approval, validation, and self-esteem.

Yes, they are looking for these things in a way that makes them look foolish and misguided, but the underlying theme is that they are motivated to act because they just don’t feel very good about themselves. And when they start to feel better, they want everyone to know.

If someone had an affair, but no one knew about it, then the validation and self-esteem boost wouldn’t be as great. It’s the reason people post selfies instead of keeping them private. If you took your own photo, but nobody else saw it, the impact would not be the same, or so it is thought.

None of the foregoing validates or excuses the matter. Not even remotely. We all have our struggles, but not all of us cheat. I am in no way defending cheating husbands who have the nerve to flaunt the affair. I’m just trying to give you some insight into your flawed psychology.