I often hear from people who are both disappointed and confused about why their spouse has not expressed sorrow, regret, or an apology for cheating or having an affair. Because it’s not that they don’t deserve it. Cheating is one of the worst things you can do to someone you love. And this kind of betrayal often requires a great deal of lying and deception, which is also an offense that deserves an elaborate apology. But when this doesn’t happen, it can cause quite a bit of frustration and confusion.

You may hear a comment like, “my husband had an affair with a childhood friend of mine who moved back in after she divorced her husband. Strangely, my husband has never really liked this woman, but Apparently, at some point he changed his mind.” Our marriage hit a rough patch because I’m having some medical issues that have kept me from being as intimate with my husband as I’d like. None of us were happy about this, but I honestly thought I’d find a resolution and we could pick up where we left off. Imagine my surprise when this other woman invited me to lunch and announced that she had started a serious relationship with my husband. When I confronted my husband, he didn’t deny it. He reluctantly agreed to end the affair, but he doesn’t seem very motivated to do this right. He hasn’t apologized for this, not even once. explanation I can’t believe this honestly we have seen friends cheat and my husband was always very critical of those who cheated on me obviously he was extremely wrong to go behind my back, lie to me and continue with someone I consider a friend But you haven’t uttered a simple ‘sorry’ about this as much. Why not?”

There are many reasons why a husband may not immediately offer an apology for his affair. In the following article, I’ll offer some potential reasons why you might not receive an apology and how you might be able to handle this successfully.

He feels justified in his actions (or wants you to think that he does) Many people will put up a defense mechanism in this situation. They don’t want to keep feeling guilty or bad about themselves (although this is often unavoidable). And they think that if they let you see how guilty or bad they already feel, you’re only going to make them feel worse. . So they think that it is in their best interest to try to repress these negative feelings. They may even try to tell themselves that their cheating was justified because you weren’t meeting their needs or the marriage was falling short in some way.

You may not be able to convince him to immediately show his remorse (especially at first), but you can often emphasize that you don’t believe this excuse. You can directly say something like, “I realize you haven’t expressed remorse, regret, or apology yet. I have no way of knowing why this is your position. But I do know that regardless of what your justification is,” we’ve both agreed to the past that there is no valid excuse for cheating. I still believe that and I still stand firm. There is really nothing you can say that will convince me that this action was in any way justified. I hope you see this and eventually show some remorse or an apology because I’m not going to change my mind about this.”

He may be trying to lower your expectations: It seems to me that many people will adopt a kind of position in the days and weeks after the discovery of the matter. Not sure how you’re going to react. Not sure how long this will change your life. Very often, you will go to great lengths to deny the impact of this. One way you could try to do this is to try and make sure you don’t expect too much.

By not apologizing, he may be trying to let you know that you shouldn’t expect a long, drawn-out healing period where you expect him to apologize profusely and beg your forgiveness. Sometimes the best way to avoid this is to let him know that you’re not trying to punish him and that you don’t expect a lifetime of redemption. But he has every right to expect an apology and expect him to take responsibility for doing the right thing.

You might consider a response like, “I think you can help us talk about our expectations in the future. You can tell me what you expect and want. I can assure you that I don’t mean to punish you for the rest of your life.” our lives, but I deserve an explanation and a sincere apology. It will be very difficult for us to save our marriage and heal if you don’t understand how bad this really was and if I don’t think you’re truly sorry. Your attempt to pretend that you were justified and unrepentant doesn’t really help us. I hope you’ll see it eventually.”